Our Stories
Share the power of long-term recovery. If you are in recovery, a family member, friend or ally of someone in recovery, we want to hear your recovery story!
Learn more...
Faces & Voices of Recovery's book page
has information on many of the growing number of recovery-related publications. It’s a work in progress, so please let us know of other books that you think we should include. Check it out!
|
Recovery in the News
Confession of Recovery
Military.com
February 25, 2009
BOSTON - It was Saturday night two weeks into a new duty assignment. I was sitting at home bored out of my mind. I hated my last unit, but at least I had friends to drink with. Flipping through the channels, working on my second Rum & Coke, I felt so alone. I missed my friends back on the ship. Transfer season is not a good time for an alcoholic. Years of drinking and eroding coping skills left me ill prepared to deal with change…I was lost.
In birth years I was 29 years old, but if you gauged my age in maturity, I would compare to someone just entering college. My self esteem was low; I measured myself worth by how many people I had to hang out with. At my last unit, I was a big-shot. I was only a 2nd Class Petty Officer, but I had the ship wired with drinking friends. I hung out with someone from every department and we partied like a fraternity.
Over the past few years my alcohol consumption began to cause significant problems in my life. But, when you have a large network of friends who drink just as much, it's easy to ignore the walls crumbling around you. I poured my third Rum & Coke and decided I'd head to the Casino for the night. At least there I would be around other people.
I played the slot machines, drank 16 ounce beers, and numbed the mental discomfort I was feeling. Around 0200, I decided I'd lost enough money and it was time to go home. I asked someone how to get back to I-75 on the way out. This fellow noticed my intoxication and warned me cops were serious about DUI's in this neck of the woods. I had driven drunken hundreds of times in the past; I'd surely make it one more time.
Leaving the Casino, I quickly got lost which required a couple of U-Turns. I remember hitting the breaks and slamming sideways into a snow bank and thinking "I'm in trouble", but I kept driving. The thought never entered my mind to stop. The next thing I recall was being on the expressway feeling relieved that I had made it. However, I began to notice the road signs were facing the wrong direction. A sinking feeling hit like a ton of bricks when I realized, I was on the wrong side of the expressway. I panicked and quickly pulled off to the shoulder. I turned the engine off, than I turned it back on. I tried to turn myself around, but got stuck in the medium. I franticly tried to get out of the snow, but it was no use. I waited for the police who were there in a matter of minutes.
Arrested for DUI, handcuffed, and sitting in the back of the cruiser I thought, "How did it get to this point"? The police asked me if I remembered where I entered the expressway, but I had no idea. I later found out the closest entrance was six miles away. Sitting on the floor of the cell I hit my bottom. I no longer wanted to live, but I was too afraid to die. I was completely alone with no one to call for help. That was the beginning of my recovery. I was a broken man, ashamed, and full of self loathing. I knew my drinking put lives in danger. I knew it was only by Gods grace I did not kill anyone that night.
Monday morning I found myself sitting in front of my Supervisor explaining what happened. I was sent to be screened for substance abuse, but the results came back no-diagnosis. It was no surprise to me because I lied on just about every question, but my name. In spite of the results, my supervisor asked me to attend 30 days of AA anyway. I say asked, but it was worded in such a way where I didn't think it was open for debate.
I began going to AA meetings every night seven days a week. I found that at the meetings I felt safe. The people there had been where I was and understood what I was going through. It was the only time during the day I did not feel like a complete piece of dung. I was not judged or shunned for where my drinking lead me, and I was accepted. At the end of the 30 days I felt better than I had in years so I kept on going. One month turned into one year, than two.
I went back to school and earned an Associate's Degree in Substance Abuse Prevention and Treatment and began volunteering at the local Drug and Alcohol Rehabilitation center. I had a strong desire to know more about addiction and recovery. I worked the 12 steps of the Alcoholics Anonymous program and the wounds years of drinking caused began to heal. I cleaned up the wreckage of my past and I never felt better.
I was promoted to 1st Class Petty Officer and later met my future wife. In May of 2005, we were married in Milwaukee, Wisconsin. It was time to transfer again, but this time I was well prepared and more than up to the task. It was amazing what four years of sobriety did for me. I earned a degree, a promotion and fell in love. I was a new man with a new life ready to face the world…and that's just what I did.
My new assignment was a High Endurance 378' Cutter as the Lead Petty Officer in the Combat Information Center (CIC). It was the first time my wife and I ever lived on the west coast and we took to Seattle living. A couple months after reporting, I discovered my unit was selected to sail with a Naval Expeditionary Strike Group in September of 2006. We were going to be underway for almost eight consecutive months when you included training exercises. As a newly married man with a child on the way, the news was equivalent to learning I was seriously ill.
As acceptance settled in we began the one year mental preparation for the deployment. Six months prior to the deployment, I was selected for Chief Petty Officer. I was no longer going to sail as the LPO of CIC, but as the Chief. I was worried because I had little experience in Combat. My legacy rate was a Telecommunications Specialist, but I ended up on the Combat side of the house due to a rate merger. My AA training kept me grounded though, I took things one day at a time knowing God wouldn't give me more than I could handle.
One month after my daughter was born we set sail for the Persian Gulf. CIC was a constant flurry of activity with drills, training, and watch standing. Our CO was an intense man with an explosive temper when things didn't go his way. The best way I can describe those six months is it was similar to walking in a mine field. I never knew when it was going to be my turn to be chewed out and sufficiently humiliated. There were many days I wished I had access to the wisdom of the men and women in AA. Working a program of recovery in a high stress position was tough. But, every port call someone was in trouble for drinking which was a good reminder for me. I began to consider if there was a way to bring military members together who were working a program of recovery in an online format.
Shortly after making Chief, I applied for the Warrant program and in June of 2007 I was commission a CWO2. With the Out of Hemisphere patrol behind me, I was transferring again, this time to Boston, Massachusetts. At my new assignment, I never forgot what it was like being underway with no support group. After learning my new job I drafted a Memorandum to the Coast Guard Substance Abuse Program Manager recommending an online recovery resource for military members.
My idea was met with enthusiasm and a series of events lead me to team up with Military.com. With the blessing of the U.S. Coast Guard, I was allowed to create a Recovery Discussion Board within Military.com's Health and Fitness discussion section. It's been up and running for a few weeks and receiving some activity. My hopes are this article will reach more of us out there working a program of recovery or anyone just getting their but kicked by addiction and looking for a better way of life.
If you're in recovery or if you've been affected by addiction in anyway…stop by and say hello. I would be overjoyed to hear from you.
My name is CWO Terry R. and I'm a grateful recovering alcoholic. God Bless.
© Copyright 2009 U.S. Coast Guard. All rights reserved. This material may not be published, broadcast, rewritten or redistributed.